Issue 25: The Coach Approach: Parent Training as Recommended Treatment | Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Elaine highlights the transformative power of parent training and coaching as a core strategy for supporting neurodiverse children, emphasizing an approach that equips parents with skills to understand and support their children effectively.
Table of Contents
Raising complex children â children who struggle with developmental delays in life, learning, behavior, or social-emotional growth â is arguably more complicated than many parents and professionals might expect. Whether children are diagnosed with chronic neurological conditions (such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety, depression, autism, learning disabilities and related challenges), or are struggling but have no diagnosis at all, parents are called upon to make complicated medical decisions with limited education. As a result, when children struggle to hit typical milestones, parents tend to feel scared, angry, or overwhelmed â or all at the same time.
Historically, parents of complex kids have had few resources for their own support: they could seek therapy to address emotional strains; they could ask consultants for advice, such as recommending appropriate schools; and they might be referred to general parenting courses if things got really bad.
In my first decade as a parent, I tried them all. But after seeking expert advice that didnât meet my quirky kidsâ needs, I often felt more of a failure as a parent than before my search began. My own undiagnosed challenges with attention and learning added to the confusion, causing considerable frustration and feelings of inadequacy.
In hindsight, I didnât need therapy, consulting, or even general parenting advice. Instead, I needed someone to help me understand my unique neurodiverse children. Someone to help me make sense of the unusual circumstances we found ourselves in. And someone to guide me to trust myself to make the best decisions I could for my complex family.
It turned out, the change I wanted for them started with training, coaching, and support for me.
The Importance of âBehavior Therapy" and What it Actually Means
The Importance of âBehavior Therapy" and What it Actually Means
Parents today have many more options available to them than even a decade ago. Many therapists, social workers, and coaches offer support that focuses on both parent and child behaviors. In addition to medication and school accommodations, training and support for parents â known as âBehavior Therapyâ â is actually part of recommended treatment for children and teens with ADHD and autism. Behavior Therapy is not â as the phrase may suggest â intended to suggest a therapist working directly with a child. Rather, behavior therapy means training parents to more thoroughly understand the challenges their children face â whether they be learning, executive function, or behaviorally based (or all, as is often the case) â to create an environment that sets up their child for success.
âBehavior therapyâ can be a confusing term for both parents and professionals; its definition varies depending on the source and is often referred to as BMT (Behavior Management Training) or BPT (Behavior Parent Training). Regardless of its definition, the purpose of behavior therapy is clear: to create environments and relationships in a childâs life so that the child can, as the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) puts it, âlearn or strengthen positive behaviors and eliminate unwanted or problem behaviors.â
âBehavior therapyâ means training parents to more thoroughly understand the challenges their children face ⌠to create an environment that sets up their child for success.â
According to the late Dr. William Pelham, a leading researcher in the field, parent training that leans on behavioral strategies âis the only therapy that works.â In the webinar âMore Than Meds: A Parentâs Guide to Using Behavior Therapy,â Pelham said, âTeaching parenting skills is the single most effective and important intervention for treating kids with ADHD.â This also applies to diagnoses outside or in tandem with ADHD, complexities such as autism, 2e, dyslexia, anxiety, depression, and learning disabilities. Pelham continued, âThereâs no therapy that a therapist can do in their office with a child who has ADHD that will have any impact on that childâs behavior.â
According to the CDC, whether done in classes, groups, or private sessions, parent training in behavior therapy should help adults learn how to "better understand their childâs behavioral issues and learnâŚskills specific to these problems.â Training in behavior management is generally provided by coaches, educational therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers. Sometimes, professionals are trained to provide behavior therapy directly to children, which provides support for the child, though it can risk bypassing the compounding benefit of parent education.
Game Plan: The Neurodiversity-Informed Coach Approach to Parent Support
Game Plan: The Neurodiversity-Informed Coach Approach to Parent Support
It takes more to manage complex kids than a prescription and a star chart. Parents need providers to guide and encourage them to seek training and support. To do this, professionals must understand the complexity of behavioral change and embrace the importance of parent involvement.
When young people have problems with life or learning, their parents should be part of any comprehensive treatment plan for many reasons. For example, when medication is recommended as part of a childâs treatment, its effectiveness is enhanced when parents receive training and learn to manage challenging behaviors. Training for parents in a coaching framework can be delivered at a significantly lower price point than traditional therapeutic modalities.
Beyond training, evidence now points to success for families when parents receive coaching. Taking a page from the book of professional coaching, this innovative method supports behavior change, offering empowering and practical positive guidance that parents and their families need.
With complex kids, a parentâs role goes beyond coordination of treatment. Behavioral change is complicated and nuanced, best achieved when parents communicate non-judgmentally, set realistic expectations, and participate collaboratively with their children or teens. Parents modeling this behavior often experience a positive response: Their child feels encouraged to collaborate and communicate more openly. Their learning often improves, as does their ability to self-manage with greater success. Feelings of shame and futility are reduced, replaced by confidence and self-esteem.
Bottom line: By modeling effective, accepting, motivating, non-judgmental, and transparent communication, coaching provides support for parents. This methodology also can be cost-effective, particularly when leveraged in group coaching, and may be among the lowest-cost ways a parent can help and support their children while simultaneously ushering in greater calm in the home.
It takes more to manage complex kids than a prescription and a star chart.
Direct training and coaching combine to create an ideal neurodiversity-informed coach-approach model. In it, parents are guided through decision-making processes focusing on prioritizing, finding clarity, determining action plans, and creating accountability structures.
Parents learn to provide constructive feedback in a way that is well-received, navigating the fine line between directing their kids and encouraging independence. This option for parent intervention helps parents see the best in their kids, understanding the neurodivergent challenges underlying unwanted behaviors and emphasizing strengths so their children can reach their full potential.
Parents know their children and their specific challenges better than anyone. The focus of the coach approach to parenting is primarily on learning and improvement, rather than correction and criticism.
Training and coaching in a coaching framework can help a parent effectively:
- identify needs, set goals, and offer guidance
- provide support & structure to build skills for success
- establish effective family meetings that cultivate accountability
- coordinate services with other professionals
- teach organizational skills and social skills
- foster motivation and independence
- highlight strengths and monitor progress
- build and promote self-esteem and confidence
- move from criticism to acceptance and guidance
In The Huddle: Self-Care
In The Huddle: Self-Care
The coach-approach also ensures that parents take care of themselves. Shocking concept, right?
Parenting complex kids can be stressful, overwhelming, isolating, or frustrating â if not all of these, all at once. Parents often spend so much energy on their kids that they tend to fall off their own priority list. In the long run, this isn't helpful for anyone in the family.
Parent training and coaching provides a structure for parents to become the best they can be. It gives them âpermissionâ to pay attention to themselves, not just to their children. By focusing on their actual approach to parenting, parents gain greater confidence and self-esteem, helping them model those important characteristics for their children.
Coaching thus leads parents to:
- become better communicators
- set expectations and manage behaviors
- educate their families on how challenging issues impact all of them
- effectively advocate for kids and collaborate with service providers
- use a coach approach in all relationships
With improved confidence and enhanced communication, parents are calmer and less stressed, which ultimately leads to better relationships â even greater peace on the homefront â and improved outcomes for their children.
You might be asking yourself: How do I find a parent trainer and coach?
You might be asking yourself: How do I find a parent trainer and coach?
For parent training in behavior therapy, parents can look to support provided by a wide range of professionals. It is most likely to be effective when it fits a parentâs learning style and lifestyle. Whether delivered in person, by phone, or virtually, by local professionals or associated with established programs, parents should look for someone or an institution whose guidance they trust, classes they are likely to attend, and methodology that connects participants to a community of peers.
Most importantly, look for a program that has a clear curriculum, is focused on strengthening the relationship between parent and child, reinforces positive behaviors, puts structures into place, and includes a way for parents to get feedback and guidance. Parents also should ask for any financial support they need, as many online programs offer scholarships and other assistance to families.
For parent training and coaching that incorporates neurodiversity awareness, seek professionals who are well-informed about neurodiversity while adhering to established professional standards and ethical guidelines. While therapists and other providers may provide parent training, to include a coaching framework, seek out qualified coaches who are typically certified by the International Coach Federation (ICF), the most recognized authority internationally.
Parents Grow Alongside Their Kiddos
Parents Grow Alongside Their Kiddos
In my experience, both as a professional and a parent of complex kids, parents often fall into one of two categories: desperately seeking answers to explain unwanted behaviors, or hiding their heads in the sand, waiting (and hoping) for children to grow out of it.
That is why growth needs to start with us, the parents. A coach approach provides training and support for parents and can be an important part of evidence-based recommended treatment for complex children, teens, and newly minted adults. Kids who struggle with the basics of life or learning can wreak havoc in the life of a family. When parents donât understand what causes difficult behaviors, they donât respond effectively.
Fortunately, with guidance and support from training and coaching, parents can discover that they are the most effective guide for their children, a key link in the treatment chain that is part of growing up, becoming independent, and navigating life. As parents get the support that focuses on their approach, they discover a clear path to gain â or return â joy, peace, and even fun to family life.
With a champion in their corner, kids perform better in school and life. Coaching empowers parents to be that champion, supporting their kids in positive and enduring ways as little ones progress from children to teens, young adults, 30-somethings, and beyond.
Resources
Resources
- American Academy of Pediatrics. (2017). Behavior therapy for children with ADHD. Retrieved from HealthyChildren.org. [healthychildren.org]
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (n.d.). Behavior therapy for young children: Finding a therapist. [www.cdc.gov]
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020a). Parent training in behavior management for ADHD. [cdc.gov]
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020b). Treatment of ADHD. https:// [cdc.gov]
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020c). Tourette syndrome treatments. [cdc.gov]
- Climie, E. A., & Mitchell, K. (2017). Parent-child relationship and behavior problems in children with ADHD. International Journal of Developmental Disabilities, 63(1), 27â35. [doi.org]
- Deault, L. C. (2009). A systematic review of parenting in relation to the development of comorbidities and functional impairments in children with Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 41(2), 168â192. [doi.org]
- Keown, L. J. (2011). Predictors of boysâ ADHD symptoms from early to middle childhood: The role of fatherâchild and motherâchild interactions. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 40(4), 569â581. [doi.org]
- Montoya, A., Colom, F., & Ferrin, M. (2011). Is psychoeducation for parents and teachers of children and adolescents with ADHD efficacious? A systematic literature review. European Psychiatry, 26(3), 166â175. [doi.org]
- Pelham, W. (n.d.). A parentâs guide to behavioral therapy. [additudemag.com]
- Taylor-Klaus, E. (n.d.[a]). What is behavior therapy for ADHD Part 1. Impact ADHD Blog. [impactparents.com]
- Taylor-Klaus, E. (n.d.[b]). What to look for in a behavior therapy program for ADHD. Impact ADHD Blog. [impactparents.com]
- Taylor-Klaus, E. (2020). âThe essential guide to raising complex kids with ADHD, anxiety and more.â Quarto Press.
Elaine Taylor-Klaus, MCC, CPCC
Master Certified Coach, Thought Leader in Neurodiversity, and Parenting Mentor & Co-founder | impactparents.com | X | LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram
Elaine Taylor-Klaus, MCC, CPCC
Elaine Taylor-Klaus, MCC, is a Master Certified Coach, inspirational mentor, and internationally recognized thought leader in neurodiversity, coaching, and parenting. As co-founder of ImpactParents.com (formerly ImpactADHDÂŽ), Elaine co-created the Impact Model, a neurodiversity-informed coaching framework that complements traditional therapeutic approaches. This innovative model empowers parents and professionals to support neurodiverse children and adults with strength-based, solution-focused strategies that emphasize growth, self-advocacy, and collaboration.
Elaine is an inspiring public speaker and trainer, frequently interviewed on podcasts and featured at summits. Drawing from her personal experience raising an ADHD++ family of six, she helps others navigate the complexities of supporting neurodiverse individuals. Her award-winning books and programsâParenting ADHD Now!, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids, and Sanity SchoolÂŽâhave impacted hundreds of thousands of families and professionals worldwide, fostering greater understanding in the neurodiversity, parenting, and coaching communities.
For free and fee-based resources, visit ImpactParents.com/resources.
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Parenting ADHD Now!
In Parenting ADHD Now! Diane and Elaine combine their practical know-how and professional expertise to offer immediate, actionable strategies you can use to guide and support your ADHD child compassionately and effectively.
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids" is a wake-up call and clear path for action, offering a reality-based recipe for raising complex kids without driving yourself or your family crazy. Parenting expert Elaine Taylor-Klaus shares a proven coach-approach method with essential tools to set realistic expectations and eliminate daily battles.
Parenting with Impact
Parenting with Impact: Expert Advice to Empower Parents Raising Complex Kids is the guide you need to avoid acting on myths and misconceptions and find a healthy path for your child and family. Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster, along with the select group of professionals they interviewed, share insights and solutions that will make a difference for your childâŚand you.