Issue 23: Debunking Assumptions About Gifted and Distractible Learners | Julie F. Rosenbaum Skolnick

The term "twice exceptional", also known as "2e", refers to people who are identified as gifted with learning differences. Perhaps a more accurate or descriptive term is gifted and distractible. When learning about the gifted and distractible profile, most people are curious about the word "distractible." In fact, it's "gifted" that is highly misunderstood. This misunderstanding and the disbelief that giftedness and learning differences can co-exist in the same person often lead to inaccurate assumptions about behaviors and expectations that are toxic to the gifted and distractible person.

'Distractible' refers to learning differences. It can represent anything from ADHD to dyslexia, processing issues (speed, visual, auditory), Autism, anxiety, social-emotional challenges, executive functioning challenges, and so much more. Truthfully, most twice exceptional people are really multi exceptional. Cultural differences, gender fluidity, and even economic and class differences can be considered exceptionalities within the 2e profile and affect how twice exceptional learners are perceived.

Giftedness is often defined as smart, intellectual, or bright. This is part of being gifted, but there is so much more. Giftedness, as shown in the "three-layer cake of giftedness" (Skolnick, 2023), includes the frosting – a thin layer above, around and between the three layers that demonstrate that high ability assumption of giftedness. One can demonstrate this part of giftedness in various areas: intellectual, artistic, athletic, or charismatic. But then there are three thick layers (or characteristics) that include asynchronous development, perfectionism, and intensity or what is known in gifted parlance as overexcitabilities.

One can demonstrate incredible abilities while also struggling simultaneously elsewhere.

Asynchronous development refers to the different rates of development in the social/emotional, intellectual, and physical spheres. One can demonstrate incredible abilities while also struggling simultaneously elsewhere. Sometimes this challenge is with social/emotional interactions, and other times it presents as a specific learning difference. The asynchrony often causes adults to ask the 2e child, "Why can you do this but can't do that?"

Perfectionism can be a driving force for a person's finest work, but when perfectionism is unhealthy, it leads to anxiety, risk avoidance, and underachievement. Perfectionism is often present in a gifted or 2e person because of their life experience of being told how smart and capable they are. It is sometimes the result of the ability to envision efforts and projects in a specific way but being unable to effectuate the vision in such a detailed manner. This causes frustration and can lead to doubting one's abilities.

Overexcitabilities is a term coined by psychologist, Kasmierz Dabrowski. In essence Dabrowski described overexcitabilities as "a high level of reactivity of the central nervous system" (Mendaglio, 2008). Think of overexcitabilities as superpowers, an ability to tap into the world in a deep way to derive either great pleasure or pain. Dabrowski identified five areas of overexcitabilities, including intellectual, emotional, imaginational, sensual, and psychomotor. You can think of them in the following way:

• Intellectual
  A rage to learn. The desire to query about topics of interest in an unfettered fashion.
• Emotional
  The ability to identify and feel others' emotions. Demonstrating deep empathy and overwhelm.
• Imaginational
  Intense curiosity and the ability to create artistically, musically, or even humorously.
• Sensual
  Deep sensory seeking or sensory avoiding. An incredible ability of the senses that requires a tailored "sensory diet" (Kranowitz, 2022).
• Psychomotor
  the need to move. This person may need to move to learn.

Overexcitabilities are often misunderstood. Intellectually overexcitable people for instance, may be described as "know-it-alls" or "show-offs" when in reality they are just deeply curious. Emotionally overexcitable people are often told to "relax" or "reign it in." Imaginationally overexcitable people, in some cases, are misdiagnosed with ADD because they are lost in their own entertaining thoughts that distract them from what is happening in front of them. Sensually overexcitable people are frequently described as indulged or enabled. Psychomotor overexcitable people are deemed hyperactive. In truth, overexcitabilities should be viewed as superpowers. These are people who come into the world as super bright lights, but the world is not set up for them. They need more, or they are asked to put out less.

These are people who come into the world as super bright lights, but the world is not set up for them.

For 2e people, the most difficult struggle to surmount is inappropriate expectations. Inaccurate assumptions about someone's overexcitabilities or their learning differences can lead to low expectations. It's difficult for parents, educators, and clinicians to realize that someone with learning differences can also be gifted. At the same time, when giftedness is the dominant characteristic, and a person cannot meet high expectations, it's assumed that he is lazy, defiant, or doesn't care. It's difficult to perceive a coexistent learning difference when there are attendant strengths. Expectations for gifted and distractible learners are often inappropriately high or inappropriately low, which leads to unwanted behaviors and negative self-perception.

Disrupting this system requires a deep understanding of giftedness. Most people assume gifted is a synonym for "smart." Many people feel the gifted label is elitist and boastful. Most people are wrong. They think the learner who sits and faces forward, politely raises her hand, turns in her homework, provides pithy and intellectual answers to teachers' questions, and doesn't challenge her teacher is gifted. In reality, this describes a "high achiever," not a gifted child.

It's difficult for parents, educators, and clinicians to realize that someone with learning differences can also be gifted.

When a gifted or 2e child is bored, she'll struggle to attend to what is happening in class. She likely thrives in an environment with project-based learning (imaginational), opportunities to move around the classroom (kinesthetic), challenges and questions the teacher (intellectual), independently works on deep questions and jumps at the chance to participate in meaningful discussions with opportunities to effectuate positive change (emotional).

Adults become frustrated with the gifted child who pushes back, who hyper focuses on areas of interest, and who seems distracted because she isn't paying attention to what the adult wants her to focus on, like rote or boring tasks, chores, routines, and pedantic questions. Parents and teachers are taken aback when a 2e child melts down or refuses to start or finish a task. It's at these moments that inaccurate assumptions are made, and adults react to behaviors rather than respond to triggers.

What would happen if we reframed the frustration to understand that ‘behavior is communication’.

What would happen if we reframed the frustration to understand that "behavior is communication," and that understanding the 2e child's personal experience is paramount to addressing challenging behavior? Parents and teachers who pause to consider the child's perspective, who give the benefit of the doubt to a child demonstrating challenging behaviors, will experience better and faster results than the adult who threatens, cajoles, bribes, or dishes out consequences.

When addressing behaviors, ask yourself these questions:

• Is this child in the midst of a rage bell curve? In other words, is she at the apex of her anger? If so, no teaching or learning can happen. Only anticipatorily or in hindsight can we address this behavior.
• Is your response going to teach a lagging skill or punish?
• Can I give the benefit of the doubt and try to understand the underlying trigger?
• Is this child hungry?
• Is this child tired?
• Does this child need to move her body?

Asking these questions requires the grown-up to self-regulate. Oftentimes triggered behaviors in children trigger the adults. How can you regulate yourself in order to calmly pause and consider the bigger picture of this child's experience beyond his challenging behaviors? Consider what fills and what empties your resilience bucket. When your resilience bucket is full, when you've done things that calm your limbic system and help steady your emotions, you can better face hard tasks. Responding rather than reacting to challenging behavior is certainly a hard task.

Give the child the benefit of the doubt – they don't want to melt down, and they certainly don't want to make things harder for you.

Once you've tamed your own flame, you can pivot and address your child's dysregulation. Start by giving the child the benefit of the doubt – they don't want to melt down, and they certainly don't want to make things harder for you. Make sure your emotions are under control – what can you do to fill your resilience bucket? This might mean pressing a pause button to disrupt your usual reactionary pattern. Very few things need immediate attention. Once you are calm and the child is calm, unpack what happened by asking questions, validating, and reassuring the child that they are loved. Get a game plan for next time – can you anticipate when challenging behaviors are likely to occur? Is there something about the environment or an inappropriate expectation that is triggering them? Ask them what they need and help empower them to identify what will make things better. Validate and value your child's overexcitabilities. These strategies strengthen your relationship with the 2e child, increases trust, and allows the gifted and distractible child to become self-aware and empowered.

References

• Kranowitz, Carol Stock. The Out-of-Sync Child, Third Edition: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Differences. Penguin Publishing Group, 2022.
• Mendaglio, Sal, editor. Kazimierz Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration. Great Potential Press, Inc., 2008.
• Skolnick, Julie F. Gifted and Distractible: Understanding, Supporting, and Advocating for Your Twice Exceptional Child. TarcherPerigee, 2023.

Julie F. Rosenbaum Skolnick

Julie F. Rosenbaum Skolnick, M.A., J.D., Founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, passionately guides parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors 2e adults, trains educators and advises professionals on how to bring out the best and raise self-confidence in their 2e students and clients.

A prolific writer and beloved speaker, Julie hosts 'The Haystack,' a 2e Adult Membership Group, and 'Let's Talk 2e!' She also produces virtual conferences and publishes "Gifted & Distractible," a free weekly newsletter. Her book, Gifted and Distractible: Understanding, Supporting, and Advocating for Your Twice Exceptional Child (2023), has received wide acclaim.

Julie and her husband raise three twice exceptional kids who keep them on their toes and uproariously laughing!

Located in Maryland, USA, Julie's clients and audience hail from all four corners of the globe.

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Gifted and Distractible

A practical, research-based guide that demystifies giftedness and learning differences in order to help “twice exceptional” children thrive. 

Does your child exhibit giftedness and behavioral issues like meltdowns, power struggles, and difficulty relating to their peers? Are they out-of-the-box thinkers requiring different teaching and learning methods? It’s a widely held misconception that intellectual ability and social and emotional success go hand in hand. In fact, “twice exceptional” kids—those who are gifted and have simultaneous learning differences like ADHD, high-functioning autism, or dyslexia—are often misunderstood by parents, teachers, and themselves. This much-needed and empowering guide reveals the unique challenges these remarkable kids face, and offers strength-based, hands-on strategies for understanding, supporting, and advocating for twice exceptional kids. In a world that labels them lazy, scattered, attention-seeking, and a problem that can’t be solved, these tools will help you reimagine the world through your child’s unique perspective—so you can help them thrive.

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Extracts from Dystinct Magazine